Restaurant

I've come up with a brilliant idea for a restaurant. Want to know what it is? OK, but keep it secret!

While racking my brain for money making schemes one day, it hit me: how can I capitalize in the restaurant business. To my right on the feeder road stood a Hooters. Then it hit me.

Why not make a restaurant like Hooters that caters to women and gay men? Surely those two groups can be just as crass as men that eat at Hooters if given the opportunity. "Well," I thought. "Let's just open a chinese restaurant with scantily-clad men and call it... Wang's." I know, I know, it sounds vulgar. Well, one man's vulgarity is the other man's innuendo. I've already thought of how I would style the restaurant to make it fun, yet slightly intriguing like Hooters. We'd serve quality chinese food in a fun atmosphere. The waiters would walk around in tight, short bike shorts with fanny packs at the belt line for tips. There would be plenty of dancing for everybody. However, every now and then, we'd have a Wang's Party Night where the lights go off and the house music blares from all sides. Of course, this evening would double as a club and we'd have to have an age limit.

I've even thought out Wang's delivery service. Our cars would be all-black sedans with strobe lights and smoke machines inside. When the drive pulls up to your home, he's dressed in his standard Wang's attire. He'll offer you a 10% "party tax" with your meal. This entails him bringing a boom box into your house and dancing with you for a few minutes. Nothing risque, just fun.

The marketing strategy for this enterprise would resemble that of Hooters. Advertise the food and fun while slyly hinting at the the waitstaff and their assets. Of course, I'd have to franchise eventually, but that just means more money and easier operations. We could even put out a Wang's calender every now and then.

This, coupled with the Revolution Pops that were mentioned early on, should make me a rich man if I ever get the money to start up. Lord, help the world if I get money.

Jersey Sponsors

Here I am writing about the Houston Dynamo again. This time, it's about their jerseys. In fact, it's about MLS jerseys in general.

It's a long standing practice in Europe to have a corporate sponsor on the front of a team's jersey. Manchester United, Real Madrid, and AC Milan are just a few examples out hundreds of samples. Most astonishingly to an American mindset is this: hardly anybody minds it. American sports seem to be so sanctified in our society, the thought of putting an advert on the New York Yankees jersey or the Boston Celtics jersey seems unthinkable. However, all one needs to do is take a look down south and observe the soccer teams of Mexico. Pachuca, anybody? What about Morelia?

In actuality, America's own MLS is embracing the way of jersey advertisements. Let's observe: Chivas USA is sponsored by CoMex. Los Angeles Galaxy is partnered with Herbalife. Houston Dynamo are Amigo Energy. Real Salt Lake utilize Xango. Chicago Fire have a Honda advert on the back of their jersey. The Columbus Crew have just reached a partnership with Glidden Paints. Toronto FC are partnered with Canadian bank BMO. And last, but certainly not least, the team in New York is completely named after a company; Red Bull New York. This just leaves the Colorado Rapids, DC United, FC Dallas, the Kansas City Wizards, New England Revolution, and the expansion teams in San Jose and Seattle without jersey sponsorships.

This is a good move for the league, teams, and companies. It's good for the league because it represents the MLS' growing popularity. Now that the league is actually at a point where corporations want to spend their money to advertise with MLS, it means that the league is moving in the right direction toward gaining respectability. For teams, it represents money. The revenue generated by not only the sponsorship , but by jersey sales as well, allows them to remain financially viable. Lastly, it's good for companies because it gets their names out there. To be honest, I'd never heard of Amigo Energy before they reached a deal with Houston Dynamo to be their jersey sponsors. Now, their name comes to mind just as quickly as Reliant Energy, which is the main electricity provider and has the naming rights to Reliant Stadium.

As an American, I'm not offended by this. I'm not saying that I would like to see our uniforms turn into Mexican soccer uniforms, but I'm happy for the teams and the league. It means that soccer in this country is getting more viable. And if I end up moving back to Houston after college, I'll know that Amigo Energy exists. Isn't that all they're asking of me before I buy their product?

Flyers

I'll admit it: I'm part of a ska band. This may be why none of us have any friends, as ska went the way of BetaMax in the early 1990s. However, we've had a pretty successful, albeit surprising, run in Houston. I credit this not only to our unmatched skills on stage, but also to our tenacious advertising.

I had an "in" with a guy a photocopy place back home. He agreed to let me make 100 copies of anything for $1. Thus, when it came time for my band to play a concert, I promoted it by printing 1,000 copies of our flyer. We plastered our high school, local businesses, bus stops, and electricity poles with them. Soon enough, it was impossible to not see our flyers the day before a show.

Our tactics were simple: cover every place that students might go. We never anticipated having an older crowd at our shows, so we targeted the young. One such place was Tapioca Teahouse, a tapioca tea shop that was frequented by students. They had a nice display shelf where people would post business cards and flyers about upcoming art events. We would calmly place our flyers in a stack next to the others. However, one day before a concert, we'd initiate a marketing blitz and cover all flyers with ours. Soon enough, it was nearly impossible to see anything other than the latest Dumbarton flyer.

In addition, everybody at 5 high schools in Houston knew who we are. Unlike most fledging bands, we had members spread throughout the city and each of us was just as zealous in promoting our product. Our shows did what high school shows should not: draw hundreds of people to see us.

Our incredible marketing strategy died down with time. Upon graduation, there was no point any longer. We'd all be going off to school. However, if I remark around my friends "Do you remember those flyers we used to print out for shows?" They give me a disgruntled look and say, "I still have multiple copies of every flyer you guys put out." "Well, I guess it worked!" I say. "Maybe, but I did get sick of seeing them," they'll reply.

Tyler's

Here's an Austin-centric update.

Whenever I walk around the UT campus, I undoubtedly see two things: girls in Nike track shorts and people in t-shirts advertising Tyler's.

I don't get it. The shirt not only has the word "TYLER'S" written in big letters on the back, it's also on the front and the sleeve. Ironically, most people I see wearing this shirt with the Nike shorts appear to be very unathletic. Tyler's looks to be the last place they shop for what they need.

I've seen this before. Do you recall the old Gap t-shirts? I never owned one, but I remember seeing people wear them and I thought it was strange. They are paying a company to wear that company's logo on their chest. In a way, they're advertising for that company! This could be an incredibly ingenious way for clothing stores to get their brand name out there. For the Gap, it was all about having flashy print ads and commercials that showed young, happy people dancing and wearing Gap t-shirts. I haven't been in Austin long enough to know what Tyler's part marketing looked like, but if they never did anything other than print shirts, I'm amazed. Tyler's is ubiquitous along the drag not only because of their large neon sign and local Austin tradition, but because it's impossible to not see the name "TYLER'S" plastered on somebody's back at least once at UT.

The King!

Here it is: my all-time favorite commercial. Every time I see it, I start laughing hysterically. They're the series of Burger King commercials that feature a character known only as The King. He never says anything. All we know about him is that goofy face. And in my mind, he is the most genius advertising campaign in recent memory. Why? Let's watch one of the commercials.



It toes the line between hilarious and flat-out creepy. The premise is just ridiculous. A man wakes up, only to find a silent, gigantic King lying in bed with him. But it's alright; the King has food! He has just woken up with the King. After the initial shock, the man and the King start patting each other on the thigh, as they've established this newfound friendship. And I'm rolling on the floor laughing. I can't even explain why. It might be because the King looks so strange. I certainly don't want to purchase the product - I just want to see more of the King.



This one is even funnier. The facial expression on the man once the King gives him food is priceless. At the end, it just becomes strange when the King is surrounded by wildlife. But the whole idea of not being terrified by this man when he suddenly appears in your face once you wake up is what makes these commercials so memorable. Admittedly, I'm not a fan of Burger King. I never have been. While the quality standards for fast food are always low, I've always thought Burger King to be lower than par. However, with the "Wake up with the King" spots, they've created the most memorable adverts I've seen in a long while.

These commercials began airing a few years ago, as I remember describing them to my friends and being unable to control my laughter during the description. Pretty soon, everybody knew who the King was. From there, he became kind of over-exposed, like all fads. However, I'll always remember his heyday as the funniest advertisement to ever hit my television. Now, people dress up as the King for Halloween. This is an example of advertising crossing over and becoming a part of greater culture, which for the company, is a great achievement. And the King has achieved this status in a relatively short period of time, compared with Mr. Clean, The Jolly Green Giant, or even the aforementioned M&Ms. Burger King has succeeded in establishing itself at the forefront of advertising that attracts young people. McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It" campaign does nothing for me and does persuade me to eat there. However, the King has stayed with me for years. I may not eat at Burger King, but I certainly mention their ad, and subsequently their product, to people who may go there.

He's just as awkward and funny in Great Britain!

M&M's

One of the most vivid memories that I have of advertising as a child is that of M&M's commercials featuring the cartoon M&M's. Of course, lots of children's advertising features cartoons (i.e. Captain Crunch, Boo Berry, or even Grimace from McDonald's). But for some reason, the cartoons that stick with me the most are those with the M&M's.

Each M&M had a distinct personality. Red was the smart aleck of the group and he constantly picked on Yellow. Yellow was the well-meaning fool of the group. Blue was the cool, sophisticated M&M. I vaguely remember him playing the saxophone during his brief stint in television commercials. Orange was the neurotic guy, constantly afraid that he would be eaten for being an M&M. I guess you could say that he was the Woody Allen of the pack. Finally, Green was the lone female and packed all of the sex appeal. I can recall her seducing humans at all times with charm and good looks. Oddly enough, brown is the only color not currently represented in the character pantheon. A brown cartoon appeared in a few commercials, but never had a consistent personality.

It turns out that the M&M's characters have been around since the 1950s, although it was just initially Red and Yellow. Through the use of enduring cartoon characters, Mars is taking care of two markets at once: children who like cartoons and anything to do with them and nostalgic parents who recall the M&M's cartoons from their childhood. This is an example of brand loyalty that we've discussed in class - as the parents of children have most likely been eating M&M's all of their lives, they are more likely to give their children M&M's as treats. When they view the same advertising that they saw when they were children, they're likely to have their hearts melt (no M&M pun intended) and go out buy some for themselves. It works twofold!

Here is the one commercial that I remember from the mid-1990s that has run every year since it's creation. It combines two things that people love: Christmas and M&Ms. Of course, it's purposes is to promote the Christmas-themed M&Ms, but it strikes a chord with people. In fact, I think I'll write about Christmas advertising later on. But for now, enjoy the commercial itself:

As it turns out, M&Ms have been promoting their Christmas M&Ms with an endearing premise since the 1980s. Here's an early commercial:

Highway to Hell

I've driven between Houston and Austin many times on TX-St. Highway 71. It's a long, lonely stretch of road that hugs the hill country and curves along river bends. It's barren of civilization and subsequently, there's hardly any advertising to see. Sure, there are a few billboards for truck stops along the way, but they're few and far in between. This isolated trail that society forgot, however, does have a few billboards of a different variety.

A surprising amount of religious billboards pepper the landscape between Columbus, TX and Austin. They feature fear-mongering depictions of heaven and hell, clouds and fire, happiness and damnation. Above these portrayals, a simple slogan pops in bright letters: "Heaven and hell. Do you know where you're going? Jesus is the way!" I've seen it so many times that I hardly recognize it anymore. However, when I first saw it months ago, I was taken aback. It wasn't until I took Advertising 305 that I really thought about it.

It's quite interesting that somebody has paid for the ad space to not make a profit, but to send a message that they find important. This isn't some kind of Ad Council spot that warns against drunk driving or drug use; this is a message that attempts to scare you into following it's intended purpose. And the interesting thing about this billboard is that it's the only one of any kind for miles on end. This works to the advantage of whoever paid to display it. The viewer's mind does not quickly forget it, as nothing else exists to cloud the memory. "Heaven or hell? Gee, I'd better think about this," a driver may think until they reach Austin. This billboard is unique in that it's alone and that the potential implications of it's message are far more dire than that of any car dealership billboard. I know that there are many other billboards like this, advocating anti-abortion positions or general religious beliefs, but this one in particular stands in my mind, perhaps because I see it so much. I may not be able to tell you the name of any car dealerships in Austin who promote through billboards along I-35, but I can certainly tell you about the "Heaven or hell" billboard that sits all by it's lonesome on TX-St. Highway 71.